Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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