is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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