I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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