dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
