I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
