3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
