I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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