Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
