Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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