I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize