so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
