If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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