Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
