there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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