I love black thongs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
