i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
