is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
