Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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