you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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