Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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