grandma shit on top of the toilet
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize