when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
