The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
