Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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