so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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