the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
