just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
