my shit smells like andre
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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