My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
