I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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