So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
