Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
