I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
