every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
