so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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