Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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