She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
