Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
