Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize