I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
