Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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