I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The feeling are messing with the penis
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
