You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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