Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
