was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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