I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
