You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
