I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
