Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
