it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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