I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
