should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
