just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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