Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
