i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
