I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
