she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
