just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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