That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
