My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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