girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
