my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
