Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
