O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
