Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
