I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
