Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
