At least make sure they are 18
Why
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
