i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
