just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
