i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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