tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
