And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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