Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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