I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
