nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
