Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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